Today's the day...

What a busy day yesterday was! I picked up the Sequel (a portable O2 concentrator) for our trip and I am going to have her use it today while we are around town to make sure we are all comfortable with it before we leave tonight. It's bulky and to be honest, I like her ladybug better!

She was so bloody cute yesterday when her friends James and Dylon came over. She hasn't seen them in a awhile and they brought her over a wonderful stuffed giraffe and the whole family prayed over it before they gave it to her so it was meaningful on so many levels. They played upstairs then went outside on the swing set and she was giggling and hugging them. She had taken off her O2 right as they got here...she thinks it makes her look funny, and for the 10-15 minutes that they were playing she was short of breath but refusing to settle down (I wasn't trying very hard to make her I admit) and as soon as they were gone and she put it on she was breathing a bit better but PT ended up being rough.

So today is finally here. I've got a few last minute things to take care of and hope to have a really good day with all of the girls. We leave late tonight so I will update again after her first appointment tomorrow afternoon.

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

Seattle--again...

After all the ups and downs there is still things that have to be done and that includes the next big test she has to have. Every 6 months to a year Alana has to have an ECHO and EKG done to look at her heart. This is for a couple of reasons but the most important one is to look for pulmonary hypertension. When children, or anyone for that matter, is on O2 it is something that you need to keep an eye on and she in no different. I really like her heart doctor. He’s told me on more than one occasion I am Alana’s advocate, that if we are not making headway with someone to move on or make more noise until we do make some headway.

It’s nice when I can report great news here and so after having her ECHO and EKG the doctor told me the results right there, her heart looks great! Whooo HOOO! There’s no evidence of PH and everything else looks good. She’s still has her murmur and we are told to keep a close eye on the episodes of tachy and bradycardia that she’s having and if things get any worse or we notice fainting spells or other to bring her back right away. Otherwise we are good for 6-12 months. It’s so nice to have an appointment go smoothly and to leave with no thoughts of bad news to share. This was just last month so guess what?! We are here now, the present; crazy huh?

I’ve now been kicked back in my chair for awhile trying to think of where to start…she’s still having bad days, a lot of them in fact. To summarize this month in regards to her and her illness it’s been slow going. She’s been having fevers closer together and had a good set this weekend. As well as that she’s been really struggling with PT to the point that she was over 2 ltrs of O2 and still struggling to breath. I sit at poolside and watch her try with all her might to swim with help from a float or other and she cannot do it. Her feet and her hands no longer work in coordination with her mind. It makes me cry at night.

She went into McDr (yes, we are now calling her McDr, Dr. McArthur, according to Alana) today to see if she has developed pneumonia again because she’s coughing way more then she was even 5 days ago, she’s running fevers, she’s pale, and she’s needing O2 at higher flow rates. The good news is, that just from looking at the x-ray and not having the radiologist report yet, it looks OK. There are still infiltrates in her left lobe but they are always shifting and there. Tomorrow we should have the full report and will make the decision to start antibiotics.

We did talk about her increased lack of coordination, the fact that it’s been months now since the cough started again and then the biggie that she’s not gaining weight again. And in again I mean in the past 2 years. She still has not gained back the weight that she lost in October and December and in the words of the dietitian, her growth is “stagnant” all the way around. We’ve heard mention, from some of her other doctors that a NG or G-tube might be in her future but I’ve been resistant to think about it. I don’t know how long that can keep happening though. I was looking through photos of her way back in Craig when she was 3 and she has on this jacket that my mom made, well this weekend she was wearing that same jacket and it was still a bit big on her. *sigh* McDr said today that we might have to talk about this soon, like in a few weeks. If we do an NG tube and she gains weight then she will have to have a permanent g-tube placed to help her in the long run. Not something I want to think about right now.

McDr also mentions “progressive” again. I did it, I couldn’t help it; I started to cry. Please someone explain to me why I can’t seem to hear that word and not get upset?! I get it though, her increased loss of coordination, her increased O2, her increase in autonomic issues, her increased motility issues, the fatigue, the fevers being closer together, they all scream progression. Don’t cry just breath, right?

Another thing that I haven’t mentioned is that next week we leave for Seattle Childrens again. If you recall the last update I mentioned this and it’s now that time. Her appointments start on the 10th and we have no idea how long they will last. We are meeting with this guru on mitochondrial and other metabolic diseases and she will be having another surgery, this time a thigh muscle biopsy. No word on what day that is going to happen as we are meeting with the surgeon and the GA clinic on Thursday to see what they think about her going through another surgery. It will be while we are down there (don’t get me started on Seattle Childrens again!) is all we’ve been told.

So as usual we have a lot going on around here. Its summer break and the other 2 chicky-poos are home and I love having them around to myself during the days and taking them places with me. They are all giggling upstairs right now and its music to my ears! They are supposed to be folding their laundry but I think I will let it slide that they are not and in its place they are playing with each other.

Now that we are in the now, the present, the moment I will be doing the updates as they happen. The laptop is coming with me to Seattle so that will make things easy to keep current, also, here’s another link that I will be using while we are having “issues” or in-patient stays:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alanastephens

On that page you can sign up for automatic updates whenever I post something. I will still always be on here, but it’s nice to have automatic updates when we are going through something big with her.

We are almost there...

Shaylins birthday was wonderful! Agh, I cannot believe that she’s 9 now!! I don’t know about other families with medically fragile children, but I know for us it has truly affected every member of this house. While Shaylins birthday was a success it also showed us something we suspected was going on with Shaylin; she won’t rock the boat, she won’t speak up about things that she should. What I mean is she is all about trying to please us, trying to please Alana by giving into whatever Alana might be complaining about. Shaylins birthday was a surprise party a day later then her actual birthday was. We noticed that she didn’t even mention anything about not getting a gift or having a party. She was sad, trying to not cry, but just would not tell us what was wrong (even though we knew). Just trying to please everyone and not make a fuss, my little Shaylin.

Things do continue to change around here with everyone. We have been on the search for a counselor to work with us and the girls in regards to Alanas fascination with death, Shaylins inability to speak up and trust her voice, Noelanis unwillingness to acknowledge that she has a sick sister and all those other issues that have come with having not only a chronically ill child, but a child with no diagnosis and more testing then you can imagine. Things due work out finally though and we find not only 1, but 2 counselors who will work with us separately, and then as a whole unit.

In the meantime Alana needs to have another surgery. This one is to remove an enlarged lymph node from her neck that has been enlarged for years. I remember the first time we noticed it, it was actually my mom who did while she was rubbing Alanas neck trying to calm her down from a fit. We took her into the doctors right away but in the end they said it was just from an illness. After a few years and it getting larger with illnesses, larger than a grape, but no smaller then a blueberry it is decided that it needs to come out and be sent for pathology.

After meeting with the ENT, same one who did her tonsils, adenoids, and PE tubes, he asks us about the ear infections she still is having and the chronic fluid behind her drums. He tells me that when she comes back for pre-op in 3 weeks, if she still has fluid behind the ears she will need to have a second set of PE tubes put in. Okay, well wasn’t expecting that but not a big deal. I am more worried about her neck and the fact that she has such a hard time with general anesthesia. Dr. P goes over how this should be an outpatient procedure, she will spend about 2-3 hours in recovery and then should be well enough to go home right after that.

The day of surgery arrives and at least things are going along smoothly. We’ve been there done that so to speak and as long as the anesthesiologist will read her chart and band and see that she’s allergic to A LOT of tapes and stop trying to stick them to her for her IV we should be good to go!

Once the surgery is over they take me back to recovery to see her and she looks good. She’s still sleeping and they’ve got her O2 going. Right before the surgery Dr. P decided that he wanted her to go upstairs to sleep of the anesthesia and make sure she isn’t having any unexpected breathing problems and due to the fact that it's been hours and she is still sleeping.

Once we are upstairs, it again is only suppose to be for a few more hours, things do change. Sigh. She was sleeping and facing away from me so first I notice her SATs drop a bit, not drastic, but enough that I took notice. After a bit of this I go to move her and as soon as I see her face I see a red, swollen, patchy tomato lying where Alana once was. I don’t even move her but open the door and get the nurse in there within 30 seconds. They give her a push of Benadryl and call the doctor. Now we are in for the night for sure. Long story short, this happens all through the night, her SATs drop, her face swells and she has a pale ring around her nose and her mouth, and they shoot her up with Benadryl. By morning when it’s still happening they are starting to wonder if this is a G.A. or tape reaction or is this something else.

We spend 2 days in the hospital and have no idea what happened. She has done this before, the red face and pale ring around the mouth and nose, and it was after surgery. Hmmm another fish in the sea, symptom to wonder about. Once she is home it still happens over the next day and a half. We stop giving her Benadryl because it’s not helping it, what is helping is getting her up and moving around. It really seems to make at least the red and white patchiness go away. Again…hmmm.

Alana continues with PT and OT and as is now par for the course, things keep changing. After about 2 months of PT once a week the decision comes up to move her PT to twice a week in the hopes that we will see a better improvement? Stability in where she’s at? Something? Well the first session of the new sessions (say that 3 times fast!) ends up telling us a lot. Backing up a bit here, after each PT & OT session she’s falling asleep within 10 minutes of leaving each respective session and sleeping for 2-3 hours. Well after 30 minutes in her second PT of the week, Tuesday and Thursday, she was falling asleep in the pool. Well gee, that’s not good. After that PT she slept for almost 4 hours straight, was asleep even before we left the parking lot.

After that it was thought that we should move the PT down to 30 minutes for each session and see how she does; does she sleep less or is she able to stay awake longer? How is she through the session; is she able to function better both physically and cognitively? Well what we see is that she’s just back to where she was with the original 1 hour session in regards to sleep but…she is able to function through the session itself a bit better. What ends up happening is we stick with the 2, 30 minute sessions. It takes 1 1/2 L of O2 for her to be able to keep her SATs up (95%) enough while she’s in the pool but that’s alright, small steps.

Going back to the lymph node biopsy; the results finally come in from pathology and the cultures grew nothing. Go figure. On top of that the path results are the same, benign lymphatic tissue mass. It depends on the day on how I look at this, some days; we put her through another surgery, that didn’t go great, for no good reason. Other days, we ruled out 3 more things that were slight possibilities.

Can you believe we are almost to the present? As I’ve typed this over this past, well almost a year, there seems like so much but yet so little. It might seem like that’s an awfully long time to recount something but think about this--we’ve been on this journey for over 5 years now. There have been so many labs, 100’s and 100’s, CTs, surgeries, months of long illnesses. So, so, many tears, smiles, sleepless nights, and days of "are we going to make it through this"? There is more to come, we are almost there, to the present, but we are not there yet. Next we meet with Seattle Genetics to go over the “new” Alana. The Alana that we are at today.

It's time for the biopsy...

Alright so we continue. So we make the choice to NOT do the biopsy at that time. While getting a diagnosis is something that we need, we don’t need it bad enough to put her in anymore danger than she is already in. We do decide though that she will need it soon. On that note it is scheduled for the second week of January. We leave the hospital with the weight that we will be returning in 2 weeks to have the procedure done.

It’s amazing how fast some days can go while others drag on like the sun forgot to set. She started to finally show signs of getting better and we started to prepare for the surgery. Dr. J oozed confidence in her preop appointments and honestly that really helped calm our nerves.

The day of surgery finally arrives and we head of to Providence knowing that this is going to be a bit of a trip. After all the usual pomp and circumstance we are alone with her in the preop area. I don’t know how I managed to keep it together while they started the sedation on her because inside I was screaming and crying and angry and sad and everything else you can think of. There were no words that can fully describe how useless I felt that day. No matter how this turned out it was going to be hard on her. Mom & dad came as did Janine and we waited the long 3 hours for Dr. J to let us know that she was okay.

Dr. J came out and told us that she did fine. Everything went as he had expected and he removed a 2 x 3 inch section of her right lower lobe. She was asleep and hooked up to all sorts of monitors but he’d take me to see her. Now I had looked at everything I could get my hands on regarding lung biopsy’s but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I saw her. If they didn’t have a chair for me there I would have fainted. She had on “No-No’s” which are restraints for childrens arms so they don’t hurt themselves by pulling out lines or tubes, she was moaning but not awake but then so quite that it was scary. She had a tube in her nose (NG), a bloody tube in her chest, a catheter, an IV, and her oxygen on. The amount of disorientation that she was going through was heart breaking in a way that I will never be able to explain.

After the surgery she was moved to the PICU to spend a day, 2 days, 3 days; however long it would take for her chest tube to stop draining. She didn’t wake up for a few hours and when she did it was clear she was in pain. They had a morphine drip going to help and it didn’t take but a day to realize that she was allergic to it. That and the silk tape that made her face swell up like a balloon. That was no fun either! She had to stay in the PICU for 3 days until her chest tube was able to be removed. She also the NG tube in (which goes in through the nose and into the stomach to help suction out blood that may have drained in there). Luckily that only had to stay in for a day and a half and she actually pulled it out herself before the nurse was ready too. Fun times, fun times.

Once the chest tube was removed she was able to be moved to the regular floor. From there it became what is typical of Alana and a battle to drink and eat. She ended up needing to stay another 3 days to heal and get to the point that she was eating and drinking. She was still sore but she was up and moving and started to get better. We were told that they wait for the biopsy results may be up to 6 weeks. Wait, wait, and some more waiting, isn’t that the name of the game with Alana.

We ended up not having to wait that long. The results were sent to a special pathologist in Texas who specialized in certain types of lung disease and she was waiting for Alana’s lung to get to her. It came back and now it seemed as though we’d have a diagnosis after all this time.